We have a lot of pigeons in Germany. The keep shitting on statues, sidewalks and cars and cost us a lot of money.

Now a pigeon was swallowed by a pelican in London.
Besides the question what a pelican does right in the middle of London (Shopping?? Sightseeing? Uhm, I forgot. He’s just swallowing some pigeons…) there are a few more, like… How many pelicans do we need to solve our overpopulation of pigeons? And why don’t we abandon a few pelicans over here…?

Via gawker.com

So. Ich habs wieder getan. Ich war auf der Venus. *g* Es ist einfach sehr lustig, wandelnde Klischees zu bestaunen.

Dieses Jahr gab es aber erstaunlich viele junge Gäste. Oder fiel mir das letztes Mal nur nicht so auf? Horden von Halbstarken rannten da rum. Immer in großen Gruppen. Und gackernde Mädchen-Cliquen. Und Pärchen. Und mittendrin, alleine: Ich. Hmpf.
Die Halbstarken wollten wohl zwingend jemanden ansprehen, trauten sich aber weder, gackernde Mädchenhorden, noch abgebrühte Darsteller anzusprechen… Blieb nur eine Lösung: Ich. Gnarf.

Als dann noch ein Fotograf meinte, ob er mich mal knipsen dürfte, wußte ich wieder, daß ich falsch bin…

Dennoch einige Impressionen:
Da werden einfach so Werbe-Slogans umgedichtet…

…und seltene Wackel-Fische in Aquarien ausgestellt…

O-Ton einer Besucherin: Na wenn man das so daheim ins Wohnzimmer stellt, weiß doch auch keiner, was er damit machen soll…”

Manche Messe-Stände sind allzeit bereit…

Läßt man solche Möbel eigentlich im Wohnzimmer stehen, wenn Besuch kommt…?
What do you do with furniture like that when expecting visitors?

…und wie reagiert die Schwiegermutter, wenn man darauf deutet und sagt “Setz Dich doch!”?
…and what would be the reaction of your mother-in-law if you point to this, offering “Have a seat, please”

Mit dem richtigen Schild kann man auch banale Süßigkeiten interessant machen:
With intelligent ads, you can even make boring sweets interesting. These Venus whips were made of licorice

Schlechte Nachrichten, Mädels… Die Frauen der Zukunft kommen aus einer Pappschachtel in der Größe einer Kippenschachtel:
Women out of a box seem to be the next big thing

Wer dazu neigt, seine Körperteile zu Hause zu vergessen, kann jetzt Ersatz einpacken.
If you tend to forget parts of your body at home, put a backup in your pocket

Sieht aber eher aus wie ein Coolpack.

Und ob dieses Gerät wirklich erfordert, daß man kopfüber aufgehängt ist, konnte ich leider nicht in Erfahrung bringen.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find out if it’s really necessary to hang head over heels when using this one….

Sieht jedenfalls eher unbequem aus.
But it looks really uncomfortable

Und das da…
This one…

…ist ein lustiges, akoholisches Getränk:
is a funny drink. A cock-tail… *muahaha*

Könnte aber, auf der Straße konsumiert, für Verkehrschaos sorgen.
But it could cause some traffic jam when drinking this in public, I think.

Und zu guter letzt habe ich noch erfahren, was mein Quietscheentchen so macht, wenn ich nicht im Haus bin.
Finally, I found out what my rubber duck does, when I’m not at home.

Ich bin schockiert!! ;-)
I’m shocked!! ;-)

Tomorrow’s Friday the 13th. But, to be honest, after all that I’ve gone through today, on an ordinary Thursday the 12th, I can face that day with a grin. It can hardly get worse.

It started in the morning, when I stood at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take me to work for about 25 minutes. Normally a bus shows up every 5 minutes. I should have taken that as a sign, bought myself a bottle of vodka and crawled into bed.

Next was the ticket desaster. I still have no ticket, but people around me either have tickets or say things like “I’m so glad I don’t have tickets, it saves me a lot of money.” after having planned to fly with me to London for weeks.

Anyway. Next was some weird things going on at work, I don’t wanna talk about.

After that, I had a lot of strange problems with the guy who arranged the world premiere concert of IO, the band I work for. (More about IO very soon.)

When I finally managed to quit work and head to the supermarket to get myself one of those delicious-looking mango-passionfruit smoothies they had in their ads (I love passionfruit stuff. But I hate the peach-passionfruit stuff you can get everywhere) I should’ve known there would be no smoothies… but an old woman trying to pay with a 200 Euro-banknote at 7.55 pm in a shop that closes at 8 pm. Of course, the cashier didn’t have enough change and had to cancel 20 items one by one…

I decided to spend the rest of the evening sitting here without trying to cook something eatable (Otherwise I might burn the house down). I’ll just do a bit of writing and hope my notebook will still be alive tomorrow.

Steve made found this picture of me and Jens Lehmann which definitely proofs I’m a WAG (Wives and girlfriends, for those amongst us not knowing this abbreviation) and need to attend the match Arsenal vs. Hamburg. Look at the nice black gloves Jens is wearing…!

(And look how discrete I keep myself in the background…)

Here we go again… I’m starting to feel like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day”. I just found out that, finally, after weeks of waiting (And I mentioned I am not patient at all when needing tickets for my favorite football team), the Champions League tickets for Arsenal vs Hamburg are on sale. I already booked my flight and I really NEED a ticket.

Well, at first, like always, the online ticket store was down due to massive request. And now after André finally got logged in, it’s sold out. YAY.

So… I got a flight to London, to see a match, I don’t have tickets for. Hooray!

Okay. I need your help now. What more can I do? Ebay? Get myself a rope? Buy a ticket on the black-market? Try to become a WAG asap? This seems to be a hopeless case… :-(

Okay, guys. As both, André and Markus sent me the link to a new story about our beloved friend The Hoff, I need to do this…

Pardon me, but… The Hoff seems to be a bastard. He made his poor little talking car K.I.T.T. come out as gay. During his appearance at Trinity College in Dublin he said (according to MSN)

We have some fairly X-rated outtakes on ‘Knight Rider’. Kitt was constantly asking, ‘Do you want me to take you home Michael?’ in that very camp voice of his.

Well. Hold on a second. Mr “I tore down the Berlin Wall with my bare hands voice” felt sexually harrassed by… a CAR??

Okay. I need to blame that on the booze. Some people see white mice when they are drunk enough… The Hoff sees talking cars trying to rape him.

Maybe I should also mention The Hoff fell asleep during a commercial break while appearing on a tv show. That might explain a few things…

PS: It’s unfair to just talk about these outtakes. Let us see them!!

Nein, nicht Robbie. Der ist ja depressiv. Und will sich nicht von mir aufpäppeln lassen. Naja. Selber Schuld. Er weiß ja nicht, was er verpaßt.

Stattdessen streifte Adam Sandler meinen Arm. Jaja. Und sagte das obligatorische “Hey, how are you doing?”. Das sagte er aber mehrfach zu mir. Und zu jedem anderen, der an ihm vorbei lief… Ich überlege jetzt, mich nie wieder zu waschen und/ oder den linken Arm bei eBay zu versteigern.

Na jedenfalls war ich grad auf dem Empfang zu “Klick” mit den Darstellern und einigen deutschen “Promis”. Da rannte Jan Hahn rum, der Mann, der mich jeden Morgen im Schlafanzug sieht (weil er das Sat.1-Frühstücksfernsehen moderiert). Und seine Freundin, die “Schmetterlinge im Bauch”-Darstellerin Alissa Jung (Den Namen mußte ich auch grad googeln *g*) war auch da. Achso, ja: “Da” ist der exklusive Berliner China Club. Im Adlon. Seeehr schnieke. Hab mich sehr fehl am Platz gefühlt.

Die größte Enttäuschung war aber nicht die absolut unfreundliche Bedienung, die uns vom Tisch verscheuchte, weil Adam Sandler sich setzen wollte. Auch nicht die kleinen Teller, auf denen das leckere Sushi und lustige grüne Garnelen in Wasabi serviert wurden.

Sondern, daß David Haselhoff nicht da war. Schade. Um ehrlich zu sein – ich war nur da, um The Hoff mal in Natura zu sehen. Wahrscheinlich hätten wir Mädels ihn sogar angequatscht ;-)

~~~

Hey guys, a few words in English as well. I just came home from a party in an exclusive club. They premiered Adam Sandler’s new movie “Click” today in Berlin. The actors were said to be at the party as well… so me and my fellows were looking forward to meeting The Hoff.

But well – he wasn’t there. We had Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsale. We had lots of nice food and drinks and a few German celebs. We were jangled for sitting at the table which was actually reserved for Adam Sandler. And I was touched by him. (By Adam Sandler. Not by the Table!) YAAAY!

He touched my left arm and said, what he said all evening to everybody passing by “Hey, how are you doing?”.
What shall I do now? Never take a shower again? Cut off my left arm and sell it on Ebay?

Anyway. I was very disappointed. The Hoff didn’t show up. So there’s no “The Hoff and I”-picture I can post. No autograph. No chat about slo-mo runs in Baywatch. And no chat about how “Looking For Freedom” tore down the Wall. It’s a pity. But there will surely be a next opportunity.

Do you know fingerskilz.tv? Just have a look at the film, it’s way too cool.

Pleite proudly presents:
Flavio Briatore, playboy, billionaire and formula-1-manager.
He’s the ex-lover of beauties like Heidi Klum and Naomi Campbell.

And now he was mugged in some… eh… whatchamacallit? The thing ’round his hips tries to be bathing trunks, I guess. But it looks like… well. You can see it on the left.

That’s quite scary. But what scares me even more is: I remember Flavio was said to become a designer. So I asked my best buddy Google… and found Billionaire Italian Couture.

I took a quick glance at the collection. But fortunately, they don’t have trunks.

Or maybe they just hide ‘em beneath the sales counter…

Flavio, if you ever read this: It would have been scary to see you skinny-dip, too. But I guess it wouldn’t have been worse. :-)

I found the pictures on Bild.T-Online

UPDATE: Well, it’s a pity. The story’s gone and the pictures too. So if you missed it, I’m sorry. I’ll try to find out if you can see “sexy” Flavio Briatore in his baggy trunks somewhere else.

ANOTHER UPDATE: YAY!! Found an old BILD newspaper (21st August 2006) and took a picture of the picture. So Flavio is back in all his sexiness. ENJOY! :-)

Take a look at this video. It’s really worth it. There’s a cameo of David Hasselhoff *g*

No, seriously, watch it. And see, how stunned Brandy is. I wish I could change clothes as fast as the people in the video. That’d make shopping really easy…

BTW: Can someone explain to me why some of the spectators wear those crappy costumes? They look like German carnival costumes!

Who has never tried to drown his blahs in booze? In China they recently opened up a totally new bar. Besides having a beer, you can also throw the glass against the wall and bash the waiter. The bar’s called “Bar to the rising sun and to the reduction of frustration”.

On demand, the waiters dress as boss – or even as a woman. The whole anger therapy’s pretty cheap: It starts at 50 yuan (4,95 Euro). I wouldn’t let someone beat me up for five Euro…? BTW, most of the guests using this special service are women, working at karaoke bars or giving massages…

I wonder what the job interview looked like. Did they have to “talk” to… Jackie Chan?

Found here.